Tuesday, March 30, 2010

His Fathers Son.......

A father is defined as a male parent of any type of offspring.

Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad.

Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father!
~Lydia M. Child

So as time passes and I come ever that much closer to becoming a father, I am starting to think more about my own father and our father son relationship.

you ever noticed how boys want to be just like their dad's when they are young, nothing like their father's when they are teens, and then become just like their father's for better and worse when they become adults?

This could not be more evident than in the relationship between my father and I. From my evolution of childhood through adult, the predictable life stages that occurred in my life that kept us apart and the challenges that keep us close vary as my view of him over the years, I have viewed and related to my father in many different ways in different stages in my life.

See as children, sons idolize their dads and think they can do anything. This is most often demonstrated by a son’s imitation of his father’s behavior by walking like him, talking like him or wearing his clothes or shoes. At this age, a son wants so much to please his father and receive his approval and acceptance. As for me I idolized my father from afar, my parents divorced when I was very young ( too young for me to remember ) So I would create pictures and depictions of my father from bits of stories that fell from dinner table conversations that I was too young to hear mixed with vivid glimpses of old photos and tales of his manhood,courage and psychical strength. My father was a god to me as a child and I would anxiously await his arrival when he would bless me with his seldom found presents. weather if it was because of his personal life, his jail sentence or his drug addiction my fathers touch or voice was rarely seen, heard or felt in my early childhood.

As a teen, I experienced a period of discord in which conflict was the central theme of my life. I often rejected the expectations, values and directions that my father had embraced and I took on more non-traditional philosophies, placing me regularly at odds with him. He had seen the error in his ways, in not only his life but in my life and was attempting to be the father that I needed and deserved but at this time in my life I didn't want a father.
Resentment or even the fear of depending on the man who was my absent "fallen god like" father was great, but he buried his head and continued to try and better
himself as a man and a father. He educated him self, he separated himself from his former life,he found respect for himself as a man. and even as a rebellious, resentful and emotionally scared teen that I was at the time, I couldn't help but take note of his growth. My father was becoming the dad I wanted, right before my eyes (yes it took years but he never quit ) He continued to build that father son relationship that we were so very much lacking.

As a young adult, My father took me in to his home, when mom couldn't handle me anymore and in this short year that I lived with my father from the age of 16 to 17
( the most time we spent together in my life ) He taught me many things about being and becoming a man strength, honesty , Faith, humility and The most important thing that my dad showed me was that only a real man can be a father.

See all men fall and make mistakes but only a man can rise, My father fell but he rose from the ashes of his mistakes and atoned for every sin and lie he told for every second lost of my childhood, he took responsibility for his actions and withstood the pain of facing his past shortcomings as a man face to face till only then, to move forward as a father.

and now I am to be a father to a son.

To successfully pass through these stages of idolizing, discord, evolving, acceptance and becoming a legacy, is an “ideal” goal for every Son to a father.

Let me become your legacy Dad, for my son and I will pick up what you have begun
and hold it high for the world to see, This legacy was not made of riches and soft times but forged from the bottoms of uncertainty, mistrust and scrutiny of naysayers to rise to the highest points of trust,respect, love and prosperity.

Thank You
Rev. Dr. Bruce C Rivera PH.D. aka my DAD

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

From a Son to a Boy to a Man to a Father.

A son : is a male offspring; a boy or man in relation to his parents.

My heart seems to beat a little faster these days
Maybe it's the thought of my life changing in so many ways

I've heard so many tales of sleepless nights
And tests of patience taken to new heights

Yet my excitement grows as we count down each week
For I know soon we will finally meet

I have a little fear I must admit
Will I be good at it?

I daydream of baseball games and fishing trips
And passing along life's little tips

Will you be tall? What color is your hair?
Do you like peas? What will you wear?

Can I slay the monster under your bed?
Will we be able to build a sled?

How will I explain the birds and the bees?
Oh, I must have a million of these

Answers to questions, questions to ponder
Things to see, places to wonder

Together, we'll be the ultimate team
Limited only by what we can dream

So as the weeks are counted down, I anxiously await
That Oh - so - wonderful date

When all of the waiting is over and done
And I can hold you in my arms, My Son.

So I'm gonna have a son...... still trying to wrap my head around the thought.
Being a father is a monumentus event in any mans life no matter the sex of the child, but to be blessed with the opportunity to raise a man in a time when there is a severe shortage of real men.
Especially Latino men, the fact is that too many Latinos are becoming bastardized hollow vessels of what a man is and should be.

Compassion, masculinity, courage, integrity, honesty, selflessness and sensitivity is the recipe.
The make up of a real man is not gauged by the amount of woman he can bed nor the amount of money or wealth he can obtain its not the car he drives or even the size of his genitals, none of this makes or shows a mans worth.

To be un hombre ( A True Man ), is the best compliment a man can receive. Un hombre verdadero is a true hero to his family and to his community, One who overcomes adversity and always trys to do the right thing not for a moment but for a life time, A pillar of hope that other men and boys can follow, An image that woman and young girls can view and see that self esteem, education ,self worth and self respect should be praised and not neglected based on the dimensions of there sexual extremities.

A real man is not threatened by cooking, cleaning, helping with the dishes or even being a father, he doesn't run when faced with fear and adversity. A man meets it head on as to eliminate, destroy and over come for the those who choose to follow
in his steps. A man is a leader and that's what young boys should be taught !!!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Tattoos Body Art or Body Destruction

So Yesterday I spent three and a half hours adding to my existing tattoo and getting that much closer to obtaining my sleeve.
I sat there watching the progress as my tattoo artist worked away, got me thinking about body art and the idea of tattoos and how people feel about them as a whole.
Our bodies, and the way we see them, are changing. medical technology has gradually been getting us accustomed to the idea that the body is something we shouldn't fear tinkering with. This, in turn, almost certainly has an effect on the way modern society views tattoos and body art. In the eyes of some traditional-minded individuals, tattooing and piercing are wrong because they betray the anatomical design granted to us by the Creator / God / whom or whatever else they choose to follow. Despite the obvious problems with utilizing this belief as an argument against body art and modification like ummm (makeup, braces, fake nails, fake breast, Brazilian but lifts ETC…) mothers, grandmothers, and conservative religious zealot's everywhere love to utilize it as a justification for their disdain for body art. Rather than making even the slightest attempt to understand why people love adoring themselves so, the whole concept is immediately dismissed as wrong by an outdated, closed-minded vision of the human body as a finished product. But this view is slowly changing as I look around and see that just about every form of body art can be found just about everywhere.

The reasons we acquire body art are quite varied, ranging from simple fulfill
ment of aesthetic reasons to reminding one of a lost family member to rebellion against standards of appearance. What remains the same in each case, however, is that the art provides a vehicle through which to improve our lives. Because the effects of body art are so personal and unique to the bearer, people who have no body art may have a hard time accepting that tattoos have any value whatsoever. To them tattoos are a waste of time, money, and allegedly good skin. destruction


Some tattoos remind me of what’s important in life,to wake every morning and see the tattoos that I have chosen to wear on my body, reinforcing the mindset that led me to the choice in the first place everyday is not only a constant reminder but also a sobering view to what makes me who I am . I also feel I have a visual living depiction of the paths I have taken in my life and the places I have been, every tattoo is inked with memories(a map of my life lived ).
Then off course there is my love of art and my need for visual pleasures daily.
I walk with a gallery on my sleeve no pun intended. lol

Monday, March 15, 2010

No Charity No Mercy.

He who has no charity deserves no mercy.
English Proverb

Charity brings to life again those who are spiritually dead.
Thomas Aquinas

Charity, the practice of benevolent giving. Such a simple idea and concept benevolent giving. (help for those in need that you are able to assist with no expectation of anything in return)

Today I realized that this simple idea that I thought was not a choice but a responsibility in my life is not shared with some of the most important people in my life.
As a child I was never wealthy or even well off but I was taught the gift of charity I'm not talking about writing a big ole' check, I'm talking about giving of yourself and your time if even for just for a moment.
People constantly waste their minutes, hours and days in a self loving circle that helps no one but themselves. Whatever happen to the school of thought that helping your neighbor even if you don't like them,was just the right thing to do.
Charity is big in my life, the fulfillment I feel to find it not robbery to lend a helping hand is an indescribable feeling that I think everyone should feel at least once in their life and not because it's the in thing to do, or because your friends are doing it, but because it comes form your heart. I think at how charity has become a chore for today's children and I think to myself how do I help and teach my child "that is on the way" to acquire the habit of charity,
I want to teach my child that charity is not reserved only for emergencies.
I want them to appreciate that reaching out to others in need is a way of life, rather than a moment in time when a catastrophic disaster occurs. Remember, while you are giving to others, you are giving your children important messages about your beliefs concerning the spirit of giving.

"What you do comes back to you"

The harvest that you reap depends on the kind of seeds you sow. If you sow corn, you will not reap olives.There is No better example then the parent child relationship,
as for me, I will plant the the best seeds for my son or daughter to reap the finest that I can give ,Whatever I give out to others, The universe will eventually give back to me and my family. This is the basic nature of life:


Saturday, March 13, 2010

Present moment

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

I start today's entry with this quote, it seems only fitting on this rainy gloomy day where so many people lock themselves in their homes waiting and hoping for the sun shine to arrive that they miss out on the moment. It has become a terrible trend of wanting and striving for what we don't have and viewing our surroundings as never really being to perfect or not perfect enough, Take notice of the world around you. No matter what you're doing, try to find something beautiful around you. Maybe on your way to work or school, you go over a beautiful bridge, or you get a view of the sunrise behind the city buildings. Realizing these small things can bring life and happiness even to the most boring or routine days. Be thankful for those little things.Live in the present moment enjoy the life that you have been given. When you find yourself wishing for something you don't have, or wishing your life would be different, start your quest for your wish by being thankful for what is already in your life. This will bring you back to the present moment. Make a list of what you are thankful for right now even if all you can think of is that you are alive and can breathe. You don't want to miss the gifts right in front of you, because you are always looking beyond what is in the present moment to what once was or what might be. If you are thankful for what is, you'll be happy to be in the moment instead of some place else.

We need variety in our lives ups and downs,sun shine and rain,you cant truly enjoy your triumphs with out the taste of downfall.

Success can never be attained if you never faced and over come failure.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Now I'm gonna be a dad. So what's next?

My name is blue, I am 29 years old and I'm going to be a dad.

I am now in the process of becoming a dad for the first time.

Since I'm already getting conflicting feelings and feedback to just about everything related to raising a child, I am writing this blog as a journal of what this process has and will be like for me in my attempts to become the best dad I can be.

My girlfriend is 4 months pregnant and it seems that this journey has just begun.
From dealing with the constant thoughts of doubt about my fathering skills that i have never used before ,to her constant changes in moods, diet , sleep habits and attitude.

see navigating not only my feelings about becoming a father but dealing with hers also trying to be supportive and not be the typical "baby daddy " has become somewhat of an emotional minefield, one wrong step and BOOM !!!!!!!!!!!

We end up not talking or I made her cry once again with out intent
to be honest it's very stressful to say the least.

This instability and constant tip toeing ,really does affect you interactions with people around you, like at work and in your friendships.

I have found what works for me is that I just try to ride it out and not really voice my gripes,
Because we all know that "a mans gripes can never compare to that of a woman with child"

I believe that i can be kidnapped and tortured by terrorist for days
doing unimaginable painful things to me and it still wouldn't matter or is pale in comparison to the fact that she cant lay the way she used to in bed, or that she cant fit in her old favorite jeans.

Its almost comical how the father to be becomes the whipping boy
who should be a good daddy and take it. I for one am a lil tired of it and its only been 4 months. I'm looking at the whole process of having / raising a child and realize. I'm tired just thinking about being a dad!



I really want this blog to serve as not only a outlet / journey log for me,
but also serve as a bit of insight for other first time fathers to be.

Wish me luck on my way to being the best dad I can be.

Please feel free to comment on any of my posts to give me your feedback.

Blue -new dad in the making

Can a zebra change it's stripes

Ever heard the expression “a zebra never changes its stripes” or “a leopard never changes its spots”? They’re used in reference to change, or more accurately, inability to change. Simply put it means that people’s personalities are unlikely to shift suddenly in one direction or another. An expression that encapsulates this thought is one you’ve most likely already heard, “once a cheater, always a cheater”.
I’m beginning to believe that the thought of people changing, myself included,
is more along the lines of fantasy, not reality. It seems more fitting to say that the pattern people’s personalities take as they mature is one of growth, not change.

For a change to occur in a person’s behavior there has to first be a revelation,
a moment of clarity where they realize something is wrong or that a situation could have been handled better. Not easily manufactured! Yet even with revelation,
it’s assumed that they have the humility to admit fault and want to change.

Rest assured I’m not losing my faith in humanity; rather I’m identifying trends in human behavior, which I’m only beginning to understand. The expectation that people “can” change, even if they want to has proven to me a foolish one.
In my experience this only leads to anguish and frustration.

The gravity of the expression “a zebra never changes its stripes” is often felt when trying to answer the question, what do I do when someone I care about cannot get passed a monumental path of errors and mistakes that constanly take them down the wrong path,yet they seem so insignificant to them.
When all you want for them is freedom from their self-perpetuating internal jail, yet your seemingly helpful words fall on deaf ears.

Well I’m still working that one out, but what I do know for certain is that you cannot change for them. I know that sounds obvious but the truth is you cannot sacrifice yourself for someone with an expectation that your sacrifice will give them an “ahh ha” experience. In many cases the kindest yet hardest thing you can do is let them fall. Change as it seems, is futile without consequence.

My feelings towards someone being able to alter their personality for the better (provided they want to) as radically as “change” implies, are similar to those I have for someone trying to quit smoking cold turkey, it’s painful for them, it’s unpleasant for everyone around them and it rarely works.

Upon reflection of recent personal experiences, the validity of the expression “a zebra never changes its stripes” appears more accurate than I want to believe.

That said, people can suprise you, they’re just unlikely to.