I'M BACK !!!!!!!!!!!

It seems like i havn't been on my blog in forever, So much has happened and changed in my life and most importantly in me.

 Where do i start ? 

Well since my last pos i have become a proud father of an amazing lil person named

Elias Kane Rivera.

Elias has changed me in so many ways, My son has shown me how to truly a man.

I have changed my work enviorment and have been blessed to have become an owner of my own location.

its a chanllenge but it has shown me my strenghs and really put my talents to work.

Life has really brought me thru my tough times and trials, in exchange has givin me a true sence of peace in my life.

 I have built stronger freindships with many real people with good hearts  and I also have severed freindships with the negative people that were stealing my energy and drive.

Life can guide you at times in to places you may not know or feel comfertable in,

 but I have come to see that universe is funny like that.

I'm glad to be back and to let my heart and soul speak my mind.

Now I'm gonna be a dad. So what's next?

My name is blue, I am 29 years old and I'm going to be a dad.

I am now in the process of becoming a dad for the first time.

Since I'm already getting conflicting feelings and feedback to just about everything related to raising a child, I am writing this blog as a journal of what this process has and will be like for me in my attempts to become the best dad I can be.

My girlfriend is 4 months pregnant and it seems that this journey has just begun.
From dealing with the constant thoughts of doubt about my fathering skills that i have never used before ,to her constant changes in moods, diet , sleep habits and attitude.

see navigating not only my feelings about becoming a father but dealing with hers also trying to be supportive and not be the typical "baby daddy " has become somewhat of an emotional minefield, one wrong step and BOOM !!!!!!!!!!!

We end up not talking or I made her cry once again with out intent
to be honest it's very stressful to say the least.

This instability and constant tip toeing ,really does affect you interactions with people around you, like at work and in your friendships.

I have found what works for me is that I just try to ride it out and not really voice my gripes,
Because we all know that "a mans gripes can never compare to that of a woman with child"

I believe that i can be kidnapped and tortured by terrorist for days
doing unimaginable painful things to me and it still wouldn't matter or is pale in comparison to the fact that she cant lay the way she used to in bed, or that she cant fit in her old favorite jeans.

Its almost comical how the father to be becomes the whipping boy
who should be a good daddy and take it. I for one am a lil tired of it and its only been 4 months. I'm looking at the whole process of having / raising a child and realize. I'm tired just thinking about being a dad!

BUT WITH ALL THIS SAID, I'M MORE EXCITED THEN EVER TO BE A DAD.

I COUNT THE DAYS TILL THE DAY I FINALLY GET TO MEET MY CHILD.

I really want this blog to serve as not only a outlet / journey log for me,
but also serve as a bit of insight for other first time fathers to be.

Wish me luck on my way to being the best dad I can be.

Please feel free to comment on any of my posts to give me your feedback.

Blue -new dad in the making