Friday, August 6, 2010

Moment of clarity

I was sitting here when I had what alcoholics refer to as a “moment of clarity.”

There is a certain unmistakable moment when, try as we might to overlook it, it becomes clear that things are careening out of control. Often it's triggered by something seemingly tiny like a disapointment, a bad day of sort or just a harmless, little thought that creeps in to your brain. But its true weight hits later when your all alone and you begin to wonder how, exactly, you became the guy who you are, and have become.

My moment came tonight on an otherwise normal Thursday evening when, I was doing the routinely robotic cycle that starts my work schedule at my place of employment.

I have had moments like this a few times in my life usually before big dissions or hours of forced contemplation, But Tonight was different I wasn’t even in the realm of pondering my life, but as if almost blind sided the harsh reality hit me like a brick

Im going to be a father with in two weeks, I am no longer happy with my job, I feel constriced in my carrer growth and why have I wasted so much time and so on. Now not all of thees thoughts were bad just very pure and percice as to my life, its perspective and its direction.

Where are all these thoughts coming from all at once and as I sit to organize my thoughts, thinking with open eyes. I realized it came from a comment a very good friend of mine had said
They said “you need to step out and take a deep breath of freedom and let go of your stress”.

Wow Could it really be just that simple a breath.

I can say that moments like this are actually somewhat liberating. When You can actually look back and forward at all the depressing, gut-wrenching realities of your own life with a somewhat sense of detachment. You judge your self and you choices as an outsider.

My vision is clear as if were I was witnessing a marvelous sunset as a blind man for the first time, it is that vividly clear.

I know what I must do for myself, my son , my family and my career.

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